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Sunday, May 17, 2009

Brown & Proud



Yes, it is high time that you folks are rewarded with a motivational wallpaper from me.
This blog has impacted more lives than it was originally intended to do.

It has indeed more social significance to the more thinking net-surfing denizens and its social consequence will permeate deep into the minds of those who think, long after I am gone.

Being a mat has lots to do with being Brown&Proud.

Being Brown & Proud does not mean you take it to the people with the in-your-face attitude.
You stand tall with pride. If there is something severely lacking in you, confidence, cash, car, condo, cleverness whatver, just fall back on confidence. Because you are brown. Because you're a mat. Because have it. We, you, me, are all lacking in one thing or another. And yet we are gifted in many other ways. Am I right or am I right?

A somewhat clever friend questioned if my line of thought was ok?
You mean you just have to be proud because they are brown?
"What if they are yellow? Tanned? Dark skinned?," he continued.

To him I say, the Chinese diaspora have done them proud as they move to conquer one major city to another. Is there not a Chinatown in any major city in the world? Their vast business empires stretches from the far Orient to Latin America to Australia. The rise of China as a superpower will see a transformation in the next 20 years beyond our wildest imagination.

If it was the Japs, that he meant, then they had the Bushido Code and the samurai warrior work ethic. They conquered he entire SouthEastAsia. Only an atomic bomb could stand in their way.

The Latinos have an entire continent and they always end up top 3 in any MsUniverse pageant. Ok they have strength in numbers.

The Africans have a continent of their own and are born physically strong. They Invented Black&Proud.

The Indians are world class IT professionals and the business community thrives on networking and a build-it-first repair it later.

The Blacks have a president in the White House, Oprah, even a super-hero (Hancock) and they have rose from the chains of slavery to enslaving the the world with their RnB platinums.

The Browns never found anything they could be proud of.
They tried literature.
They tried fancy dancemoves. (Malay folk dance - now replaced by ShuffleDance).
They are, at best, known for they best conduct and mannersim. Perhaps because they are bullied into submission? Perhaps all they could do is smile when things are taken away from them, one iota at a time?
I do not discount the fact that there is the martial artform silat. But how many of us are well versed in these arts?

Little did they realise that they were among the first to receive Islam some 500 years already,
yet their numbers who can speak a splinter of Arabic is astonishingly squat.

The talk about the rilex one corner, yet they go round and round in circles... searching. For meaning. For identity. For purpose. For pride.

{That's why I have always been pissed off with the junk they put on Malay TV. Potraying gangsterism, bad mannerisms, scandalism - these things just like the effect of the skanks on MTV or Desperate Housewives - instills in the minds of many, the young, of the old, the society at large, what is the acceptable code of conduct. When a person or a group of persons is continuously subjected to }

Don't pretend to be who you are not.
Because at the end of it all, you look like a fool.

Point in case, MatShishaStepArab (rightly coined by a longtime friend ProfYessNott now relocated to Australia) commonly found at the half-sedated in dingy dark alleys of smoky ArabStreet shisha parlours. Around 11pm on any other given day, try scouring the back lanes of ArabStreets, there you will find. Collapsed like opium-drugged addicts, they are sprawled all over the scruffy tainted carpets in dimmed light, eyes glazed... dreaming....

Of course accompanying them are the MinahShishaStepArab. Young girls, some office girls, some underaged schoolgirls. Pretty ones. fat ones. Ugly ones. You probably be telling me right now "Hey bro, live with the times dahhh." Proper conduct is timeless bro. ]Knowing your self-worth is non time-dependent bro.

Their distant cousin MinahMotorStepGarangNaikScambler is another phenomenon. I would not have mentioned this if I had not knocked down one of them yesterday. Parading an unsightly, rear end that would smack stop a dirt truck driver by the sheer size of that burgeoning butt.

Disillusioned, misguided souls on the highways of Life.

Now, these are examples of misplaced pride.
They are Brown&Proud too. ProudWannabe.

I would say I spend quite a decent number of hour at undisclosed McDonald locations, hijacking the wireless connection and finding serenity in Class 95FM playing overhead. A Chinese friend asked me why Malay boys like to work as delivery? Do you see the youths of other races race risk their lives to deliver double paty DoubleCheese burgers? At the same time, I see right in front of me non-brown youths studying (in order of popularity, Finance Accountancy, Science, Law, Engineering) late into the nights. Why this disparity?

Are they sacrificing the present for a better future?

Do the right thing.
Do the smart thing. Plan a purposeful life.

It all comes back to faith. To religion.
The religion teaches you to keep track of time.
To be discipline. To achieve.

To persevere. To be resilient in the face of adversity.
Not to destroy. Or not to infuence other lives to be destroyed.
To hope and to pray to a greater power that your prayers are heard.
And your good intentions will be rewarded in time.

Burn those caps.
Sell away those skateboards on eBay.
To the minahs on bike, sell them away.
Take public transport.
If you must, get a scooter.

Be Brown Be Proud.
Do what you do best.
Relax.
But Think.
Make a Prayer.
Then Move With Purpose.
If you are tired, rest. Then move again.
May the wallpaper serve you well.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

MatInCap Epidemic

Now what's up the mushrooming of MatCap or MatInCap going around everywhere these days? Just 2 days back, while waiting for the lift at a local departmental store, I was confronted with a highly disturbing & sickly sight which made even the MachoMat in me nauseous. I just swollowed my vomit again at the thought of the scene.

A daddy in his late (or early) 40s, (you can't really tell after they hit 40s) sporting a "tenggek"(pronounced as "teng-gek") black cap with his two teenage sons with 2 equally, if not more, unfashionable caps perched on their heads (the kind with some aluminium plating on the front). The bespectacled mom who was in T&J (tudung & jeans) must have given up on them as she hung her head low in utter embarrassment walking around with these 3 morons in public.

Now what's with the caps??!!!!
It's everywhere babe & it's sickening.
It's just the tip of the iceberg.
The damage goes deeper.
The Malay boys today are no longer mats... they are just a bunch of wannabes....
wannabe Black gangsta, they wanna be Maori (which explains the Malays in tattoos), wannabe HipHoppers... (now don't get smart on me saying the original mats were rockers wannabes.... cause MatRock took rock and made something sweet, mostly melancholic, out of it...)
Every generation sought a unique identity to disassociate themselves with their predesesors.
And this is what the NewMats' their best shot? Perched Caps??!
Remember the rediculous RudeBoy Phenomenon around 2002? ....
Remember skinny jeans, skinheads - MatPunk - around the same time?
And now what MatCappers?
There is a common denominator across all these generations.
The need to forge a brand new identity.
But this time, not only they have have failed, they failed miserably....

Perhaps a spin off from Wolverine:Origins, Datuk Jin Samsuddin aka DatukJ or SamJ should direct Mat: Origins...
My own foray into the film industry you ask? Not now, I'm still into my clandestine projects.

Though it has been prophesised that a time will come when I can't stand Datin Dairies or Jeritan Sepi or some Malay drama crap on SuriaTV no more, I will magnanimously undertake this project of straightening out the Malay TV. Malay media TV should be making movies like Fresh Prince of Bel Air... and fast forward 20 years later we get back a fine, charismatic, brown Malay president back at the helm. I don't really care who's president as long as I'm not paying too unreasonable taxes.

Hey why do I even blog? I blog to save us all my friend (bro). It's altruistic I know. Yes, a perfect loss of good, constructive time. At the expense of my own political candidacy, but I never aspired to be your local politician. Cause politicians cannot simply cannot hang out at kopi tiams as rightfully pointed out by a professor friend.
Yeah, no one told me to do this.
I never started this blog for the fame. (You see me shmoozing with XiaXue on XiangPow?).
For the money you say? (Gillrook Mexican Jeans have yet to contact me since their last Ramadhan's radio ad campaign).

I'm just here to bring back some dignity to tainted MalayMat name.
Being highly non-adapt in Mathematics is one thing.
Being a fashion nincompoop is simply unforgivable.
We may forgive them for no longer being able to pluck a guitar like their glorious UncleMats....
for fingerbanging on their GuitarHero guitars seems more fashionable these days ....
Wa tak lehhh angkat babe.... macam nak jotos satu2.

I'm here for social commentating.
I come highly untrained in the formal schools of Social Scientifing or Sociology.
What I lack in formal education in this field, I make up for it in clarity of purpose.
You don't need a PhD in Sociology, at best social science at PSLE, to sense that what's happening is just way wrong. The 4-year old kids are watching and immitating and sooner than you think you have a nation of MatMelayuInCaps!

One things for sure, the time when jambuls "pronounced as jum-bols" have long gone & past.
If any alien race are doing a careful studying Earth's cultural practices using this intel from the Internet, they must be laughing their extraterrestrial green @$$ off at the sight of the google-searched jpegs of MatCaps. And perhaps forwarding them to other alien civilizations across the universe to laugh at.

Beginning to sound like MatET or MatExtraterrestrial or MatAlien here.
I shall leave AstroPhysics for another day...

I would appreciate readers to assist me in taking shots of these rediculous Malay capped crusaders to be featured in this blog - for further analysis and commentaries until this epidemic is over.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Eid Mubaraq 2008

Assalamualaikum to all who have found their way here, one way or another.

Matmelayu & associates [other mats] would like to wish all our loyal Muslim websurfers to the site a Selamat Hari Raya or Eid Mubaraq as the Arabs would put it. May the blessed month of Ramadhan has brought a positive change to your Life and loved ones around you.

How you got here? Shameless advertising? Site popularity? Word of mouth? Recommendations from gossipy aunties? Banner ad campaign? None of the marketing strategies I have employed. What next? Facebook! Ok I'm gonna be there next since its the next social networking engine to be and to be seen. Fame is not what I'm after. Trust me on this one. I'm just after the passive income for early retirement. MatPassiveIncome is a closet cousin of MatAmway and MatDotCom. Their chief motivation in Life is to seek that holy grail where money will just appear in their ever fattening bank account. This is expected to happen once a turning point has been attained in their slick business strategem. Although methodologies may differ, the idea of passive income is both seductive and sexy. MatAMWAY would be seen paddling soap bottles [LOC] or other household products [of which you would be spending on anyway] and would jump into a business plan presentation if you say the magic word - Sure, show me the plan. MatDotCom has his sights on global domination by mimicking the likes of Internet giants Google, Ebay, Facebook, etc.

Coming Up....
What's a matmelayu blogsite without a mat dictionary? A mat dictionary is presently in the making to be uploaded to the site so that site surfers would get acquianted with the mat's lingua franca.

For those in the Woodlands, Choa Chu Kang area, MatTuition http://mathguru.weebly.com. You folks gotta send your cousins, brothers, kids to this guy. He's good. The tuition list is restricted and the waiting list is 7 years - so I heard.


Ok once again .. before I get too sleepy... Selamat Hari Raya.... ok kawan2 semua...
Will put up the evergreen mat rock raya song here soon...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Eid Mubaraq Salam Aidil Fithri

Wishing all the mats and minahs out there a Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fithri.
Be safe on the roads. Drive carefully and dont speed (unless to the mosque).

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Your Questions Answered...

Yeah, I'm back on the blogs. Hopefully for a more permanent and regular fixture rather than my regular mysterious disappearing acts. Last entry close to 8 months ago.

Why I'm back? Each time a great movie comes up, SpiderMan3, Pirates of the Carribeans, Oceans13, or when this writing urge comes. Well, I simply thought that I had to do justice to the rest of the mats in chrononicling their exploits. And NO the blogname is NOT for sale. It took vision to get this one. Once fully compiled and chronicled, I'd probably be on the Masters programme writing on my mat thesis in UM.... I should be wikipedia-ed in the meantime....


Where have I gone? Soul searching.... to the World's End...

What I have been plotting? Watch Oceans13 for clues...

A tagboard you ask? I will consider...


Ok in a very recent 5-day trip to neighbouring Malaysia, the tour group chance upon ... behold... Mudskipper. Now a mudskipper is not a mat...though similar sounding...the mudskipper is a rather scary looking evolved amphibious fish that skips the muddy river banks. When you go to Malaysia, you get plentiful of fat ones just basking in the mud skipping along happily feelin Life's good... must be the nutrients in the river....

MatSkipper on the other hand ... is a genuine mat. This one rides skippers. Piaggo Skipper came out in the 1995-1998 era... then seen as a sissy girly bike... but the SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guys) movement tricked a percentage of mats into buying skippers instead of respectable scamblers or RXZs ... you want me to talk about MatSNAGs?.... not today.... but this delicate and sensitive topic will be convered... so be patient...

Speaking of water bodies lets visit the movies for a moment. In my professional opinion as a ex-serial moviegoer, I think the final installation of the Pirates of the Carribean: Worlds End... did not do the least bit of justice to the MatLanuns who looted and plundered shipping vassels and entire villages back then in the early days of the Straits Settlement. (Lanun=Pirates for you non-malay speaking dweebs) I mean these were the guys who lepak and rillekkuih with JackSparrows, .... thats Captain Jack Sparrows to you matey, over seabrewed kopi, chewing betel leaves and taught him a thing a two about smuggling marijuana, belachan, keropok, , and who do you think taught Captain Jack Sparrows that puttting on "celak" scored big points with the ladies in sarong kebaya...? My pirate hats off to you MatLanuns... sure you've done some bad stuff in your time... the least they could do is to include you right?

300 years later, MatLanus these days have changed their modus operandi and evolved to fill in the gap for expensive VCD, DVD Intelectual Property Rights. As long as there is a need the .... then again we have to think ... do these scapegoats have the technological knowhow and the funding to get the operation done? a pity.... but crime does not pay... If you aint got the time, then dont do the crime....

I think MatGorengPisang who paddles piping hot fried bananas illegally by the LRT stations deserves more respect evading the Ministry of Environment people than the pirateboys who are sadly just runners...

Sure theres the Pirate Captain Chow Yuan "Welcome to Singapore..." Fatt. But woe betide, these waters were once teeming with pirates in sarong and they were mats ... who wielded kris and chewed betelnuts for their daily high... historical discrepancy must be corrected. The movie should have gotten MatSentul to do the line instead...



Please do not quote this blog anywhere.... I'm not ready for fame....

I assure you the day will come ... but not yet mateys....


Hardi Har Harrr...
MatJackSparrows....

Next up article: .... MatLaba2Bulu vs Venom vs Spiderman vs 1SpiderHantu in a 3men/1spider all out deathmatch in a hexagon ring. Who will win this one?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Miami

It would seem that everything Miami is in season.

Miami Vice, CSI: Miami, Nip/Tuck (Miami based). A recent convert of the highly addictive CSI series, I have been glued to the series ever since Episode I-Cant-Remember-Which. I suppose the lack of interest back then was because I'd always caught the episodes halfway into the 30th minute which leaves me unable to grapple with the conspiracy theories on the lost apandages or the suspiciously missing in-grown toenails. Things have changed lots around here. Must be the MIami heat. Aint the rockin' opening soundtrack of CSI:Miami just perks up yr day.

Nip/Tuck premiering on AXN easily draws you in and it keeps you wanting nothing but the next episode. Nip/Tuck takes place in the steamy southern locale of Miami, Florida. Sunshine, pretty ladies, expensive cars, drug lords, and ritzy businessmen are all part of the game. Man, I shld have been a doctor. A plastic surgeon. The searching mind begins to wonder... then again I'm an Adobe nip/tuck surgeon ;>

Decided the banner needed the miami vice overhaul since drug cartels and small firearms are in season.

A Miami Sound Machine comeback is certainly not welcomed though. But if youre lucky enough you may just catch them in the wee hours on some MYV repeat telecast. But lets not go that far.

On the subject of miami and mats... both MatMiami... has his close cousin, MatHawaii, leaning towards the father's side, are accomplished hula dancers who favors hawaiian printed tops over rocking Metallica or KISS tops. Pinacoladas in hand they rule the weekend wedding scenes swagerring like rich kopitiam towkays. But dont be deceived with transient weekend look, for not all sporting the haiwaiian tops are not genuine MatMiamis. I have 2 such tops...for lazy Sunday visits to the ATM... but 2 tops is hardly meets the qualification criteria ;>


Adventures Today
(1) Middle East peace resolution. My condolences to the Lebanese people who had to put up with the Isreali atrocities.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Prologue

Despite their multifaceted differences and varying eccentricities, matmelayus continue to retain their unmistakable original charm even after countless generations. Atypified by their mystically mythical appeal and distinct "lepak" humor, matmelayus have over the years confidently penetrated into various vocations, professions and undertakings ... (reminds me of *MatUnderTaker & somehow **MatWrestling then MudWrestling then Stacy Keibler.....) but before I digress back to the topic.

Back in the good ol' 80s when reality TV was not part of pop culture and Micheal Jackson still had a nose, a huge percentage of our matmelayus were lost in limboland. With groin-choking seluarketats and humongous afrohairdos (pakcik gua hahahaha... not to be named), tapered jeans, leather jackets and accompanied everywhere by his ever-trusty GitarTong. At the same time, drug abuse was rampant and high on the community's agenda as the matmelayu continue to grapple with their identity crisis. Mats were fixated and infatuated with rockstar fantasies and would spend countless hours engrossed in stumming sessions trading chords under their blocks. Rambut mesti nak long. Attention was broken only when the equally iconic minahmelayu would daintly pass infront of them. minahmelayus then were shy but wore ugly-framed glasses with fat lesses [pre Ugly Betty era] kononnya ikut Charlies' Angels (cari gambar makcik2 lu... kalau lu tak caya). But of course they were exceedingly sweet (to this very today...), polite and demure (no more...). Cultural influences back those days which shaped the matmelayu persona included DIO, KISS, Led Zaplin, RAINBOW, Buck Rogers, Chuck Norris... (karate KID I, II and III?!). There were no MTV, no cable, no computer, no msn, no blogs [thank goodness], no reality-TV ... life was indeed carefree... just the guitar.

*MatUndertaker selalu dekat kubur tunggu mayat. Walaupun ramai yang negri akan kerja ni tapi segelintir yang venture dalam business kematian dan pengangkutan are doing very well. MatUndertaker nie selalu berbau bunga rampai dan tanah. Tempat hangout Pusara Aman.

**MatWrestling is mat highly versed with all special wrestling submission locks, killer combinations, piledrivers and is updated with all the drama in wrestlingdom. His room are adorned with life-sized posters of wrestlers (poster DIVAs dia simpan dalam gerobok takut mak nampak)... Tengkuk dia mesti ada fracture pasal buat stunt dengan members2 wrestlers lain.... not to be confused with MudWrestling though both may be similar sounding. Not to be distubed during Royal Rumble matches or pay-per-view Wrestlemania events.

Adventures Today
(1)
Terbaca in BH today, pasal budak sekolah yang menang $50k ($50,000! Kalau in RM dah more than RM$100, 000.. wow!!! ) from a lucky draw ticket. Budak pompuan 10 tahun ni dengan ikhlas telah membeli tiket donation $2 SANA dengan duit sekolah dia... tahniah!!
(2) Komputer riba?!!! Laptop? hahahaha... wa tak caya tapi nie benda real beb... tanyalah cikgu2 melayu...

(3) Gua tak leh masuk JB hari ni nak top-up misyak. Tak leh reveal sebab musababnya. Normally boleh top-up sampai RM60 which is damm worth it tapi duit yang terjimat tu buat makan sate kat SinggahSelalu... back to kotaksatu (square.one). Sekarang tank dah half, perasaan agak kaget. Monday nanti gua masuk jugak Insya Allah. Since we are on the topic of fuel=transportation=vehicles=cars, gua ternampak kereta gua versi modified. powerrr jugak beb, as described by members hari tu ... ada harapan ...
(4) Gaji masuk hari ni... ameeeeeeeeeeeeen.... takkan belanja katak sampai end of month....

Haha Im In...

Ahhh after much proliferation of the blog culture, takder orang pun yang register for this blogname? What a waste.. hahaha... the matmelayu is a legendary, sensonalised, phenomenal cultural malay icon that has come a long long way. *what an opportunity... so misrepresented, misunderstood, miscalculated. Yet we(the mats have evolved from the onset of history and a highly quialified candidate for a Discovery Channel special feature. Pasti ramai yang nak tahu the profiles, historical profiling and the adventures of the mat melayu Singapore. The past, present, future - the evolution of the mat. The mindset & psychology of the matmelayus. Have to confine this subject to MatMelayu Singapore. Walaupun begitu matmelayu seberang tambak will be discussed nevertheless. Saper2 nak contribute commentaries are always welcomed. MatModern sees the need to network.

Yeah Im a mat melayu. And Im proud of it. We always Rock babe.

Untuk blog ini, terpaksalah gua tulis dalam bahasa mat supaya dapat menyelami lebih dalam jiwa seorang mat.

Adventures Today
(1) Khutbah Jumaat tadi (most likely all over entire Singapore) jika semua pihak berbuat diam dan berharap gejala yang menimpa masyarakat kita hari dengan agak dramatic. Nak cakap pun malu. Pasal mat2 ngan minah2 buat kerja kat tangga2, flat2 belum siap, kat rumah time makbapak takder rumah, kat bawah lori, kwickie trip to Phuket dengan members, chalet...mana2lah dapat chance.... MatMentel dont make us melayu Islam malu ok...

(2) Liquid Bombs is making a fashionable entry into the world of air travel... the latest terrorist threat... this is gonna be a tough one, security is gonna be tighter since metal detactors are simply meant for metals. (MatMetal can never pass through a metal detector).... Just mix to independent liquids and kblammmm.... conincidentally was kena activated for IMF security duties.... the threat looks more manacing than necessary... hopefully for everyone everything goes fine... tapi kalau ada apa2 terjadi pun adventure jugak ....

(3) Ongoing topic .. apa agaknya Datuk K tengah buat sekarang...? dammmmit. Ada yang suspect pasal takder yang berani nak sound Siti... tu pasal dia kena cekup dengan MatMisai....

RDC